Even If It Breaks Me

  Even If It Breaks Me

  Copyright © 2018 Dominique Laura

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, including electronic or mechanical, or by any other means, without written permission from the author. The only time passages may be used is for a teaser, blog post, article, or review, so long as the work isn’t being wrongfully used.

  This book is a work of fiction. Characters, names, places, events, and incidents portrayed are solely from the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual places, people, events, or other incidents is coincidental or are used fictitiously.

  Cover Design: Liv Moore with Liv’s Shoppe

  Formatting: Kimberly Reese

  Table of Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Epilogue

  Epilogue 2.0

  Love Lessons

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Social Media

  Other Books by Dominique Laura

  Excerpt of Here I’ll Stay

  First loves and heartbreaks.

  I threw my head back and laughed, barely catching a breath. “I cannot believe you just said that.”

  “What?” My best friend, Becca, asked innocently. “You don’t think he’d go for it?”

  “No, I don’t think my fiancé will take well to the idea of me taking pole dance lessons.”

  “And why not?” She questioned, her eyes shining with barely repressed laughter.

  “He knows how uncoordinated I am and would worry about me breaking all my bones, that’s why not,” I said, laughing. “I’m pretty sure he wants me in one piece when I walk down the aisle, so, thanks but no thanks for that suggestion. I’m going to have to pass.”

  “Jade, you know as well as I do that if you hurt yourself learning to dance on a pole that it would make his whole life,” she said, her voice shaking with laughter. “Dylan would probably applaud you for it, actually.”

  “He would not.” I objected. “Well, wait, you might be right.”

  “Exactly, so should I book these lessons or not?” She asked with her phone poised in her hand.

  “No.” I shook my head. “Besides, I get married in a month, and that’s hardly enough time for me to even learn one move.”

  “Point well made, bestie of mine,” Becca said, nodding her head in agreement. “So, do you have cold feet yet?”

  “Yet?” I asked, narrowing my eyes. “Do you really think I’d wait until now, practically the last minute, to voice my marriage fears or something?”

  “No, but, as your maid of honor, I thought I’d ask.” She shrugged.

  “Well, thank you,” I said with a smile, glancing at the engagement ring sitting heavy on my ring finger. “But I’m ready for this. Dylan is a great guy, and I love him. He makes me happy. Getting here wasn’t easy, but everything has a reason, and I truly believe that I’m where I’m supposed to be, and that’s with Dylan for the next hundred years or so.”

  “You’ve come a long way, Jade Young,” she said with a proud smile. “You’re going to be the most beautiful bride there ever was.”

  “Aside from you?” I asked with a wink. “Thank you. Also, I won’t lie, I do have some jitters but it’s mostly because I have no idea what anything looks like.”

  “That’s what you get for handing all control over to your mom and future mother-in-law.” She tsked. “But from what I’ve seen, it looks like it’s going to be a dream. So, don’t stress too hard over it.”

  “I won’t.” I promised.

  “Good, now future Mrs. Conrad, are you ready for the final fitting of your freaking wedding dress?” She asked excitedly.

  “Yes!” I said, giggling, mirroring her happiness.

  I never thought that at twenty-five years old I’d be walking down the aisle, but in seven days, that’s exactly what I’d be doing. My heart tightened, and like I had been since the day Dylan proposed, I ignored it.

  He wasn’t the first person to propose to me, but he was the first man to. It was a memory I kept buried, one that I hadn’t replayed since it happened. But the closer we approached the date of my wedding, the harder it became to ignore it.

  A flash of deep brown eyes and auburn-colored hair passed in my mind. It was a mirror of my own but a polar opposite to the blonde-haired, blue-eyed man I was set to marry.

  “Jade? Are you okay?” Becca asked, bringing me out of my head.

  “Yes, sorry, let me go try on this dress,” I said with a shaky smile, walking into the large dressing room where my dress hung. It was simple; white, long-sleeved, and all lace. It was stunning, and I knew the moment I put it on that it was the dress I needed to promise forever in.

  As soon as I zipped the dress on, I stared at my reflection in the full-length mirror. Tears blurred my vision, but I smiled them away. I had tried this dress on what felt like a million times before, and though I complained about having so many fittings, I truly did love it. The dress fit like a glove and hugged my body in all the right places. I looked gorgeous, and it made my heart smile.

  I could do this. I would do this. Dylan really did make me happy and he had been there for me during the worst of times. We were good together. I was just nervous. But I figured it was normal. I mean, if I were too put-together, I’d be a bit concerned.

  I shook off the nerves and smiled at my reflection. “This is every girl’s dream, and you’ll finally get to live yours. You’ve got this.”

  When the words left my mouth, my phone immediately started buzzing from its spot on the lone wooden stool in the room.

  I grabbed it, not bothering to look at the screen before answering. I figured it was probably Dylan since he knew where I was. He’d probably try to convince me to send him a sneak peek, and like always, I’d refuse.

  “Hello?” I answered cheerily.

  It was silent on the other end.

  Huh. Maybe the service wasn’t great in here.

  “Hello?” I tried again.

  “Jade,” A deep, familiar voice said from the other end of the line.

  My heart stopped mid beat and I gasped for breath, shaking my head. It couldn’t be. It was the memory playing tricks on me.

  I cleared my throat. “This is she. May I ask who’s calling?”

  The voice sighed almost sadly. “It’s Sebastian, Jade. Or Tian, whatever.”

  I gripped my phone in my hand and pressed it tightly against my ear.

  I was wearing the dress I was going to get married in in a month. I was wearing the dress I was going to marry someone who wasn’t him in.

  I should have hung up. I should have blocked the number. But I didn’t. I physically couldn’t. My soul wouldn’t let me.

  “Jade?” He asked softly. “Are you still there?”

  He knew I was, the jerk.

  “What do you want, Tian?” I asked harshly. “It’s been six years of practically nothing, aside from the time you whirled in and out of my life in an instant a few years back. What could you possibly want
now?”

  “I heard you’re getting married in a month.”

  “I am,” I said without hesitation. “Exactly a few weeks from today I’ll be walking down the aisle to the man I’ll promise my forever to. What. Do. You. Want?”

  “I want to see you,” he said slowly, almost cautiously.

  I felt suffocated in my dress. I took deep breaths, barely processing what he was asking and why he would call after so much time had passed with nothing.

  “No,” I said in a hard tone.

  “I need to talk to you, Jade, please.” He was pleading with me, and it was so unlike the boy I used to love that I didn’t know how to respond for a moment.

  “Give me an hour, that’s all I need.” He begged.

  And because once upon a time my whole being once belonged to him, I couldn’t deny his request. I couldn’t say anything other than the words that left my mouth next.

  “Okay. Text me when and where. But an hour is all you get and then we go our separate ways.”

  I hung up, tossing my phone across the room.

  I fell to my knees and cried. It was the only thing I could do to keep from kicking and screaming and letting the confusion and shock of hearing his voice for the first time in six years completely break me.

  I would go. For an hour, I would go to him, even if it broke me.

  TEN YEARS EARLIER

  “Why are you forcing me to do this? I could be sleeping or reading or doing anything other than this.” I groaned, wiping my hands over my tired face.

  My mom laughed from beside me. “You offered, remember?”

  “I must have not been thinking clearly, or maybe you failed to mention that I’d have to be here before the sun is even up. On a Saturday morning. Are you trying to punish me or something?”

  Another laugh from her side of the car. “Of course not, Jade. Now, you should probably get out before they make you stay later for not being on time.”

  My eyes widened. “They’d torture me like that? I’m the one volunteering to help them. Ughhh. Fine. Fine. I’m going.”

  “Have a good day, sweetie. I’ll be here to pick you up later,” she yelled after me as I got out of the car.

  I gave her a tired smile before making my way over to the snack bar where I’d be spending most of my day. I volunteered to help after my mom’s friend mentioned they were shorthanded this season. So, for the next however many Saturdays, this is where I’d be. Bright, early, and exhausted. Woo.

  “Jade, I’m so glad you could make it,” Mrs. Carter, my mom’s friend, welcomed with a smile.

  “I’m happy to help,” I said honestly.

  I might have complained but as soon as I woke up a bit more, I wouldn’t mind it so much. I was a freshman in high school, so really, I had nowhere else to be.

  “You can work with the candy and drinks; how does that sound?”

  “It sounds great, I’ll go ahead and get started.”

  It wasn’t the most fun I had ever had but it wasn’t all that bad either. I had started a system, and by hour two I was the candy and drink pro.

  Fans cheered around us while children twelve and under played baseball. It was an exciting thing to see, especially because they played their little hearts out as if their whole futures depended on it. It was cute.

  I felt someone step up to the makeshift window and moved my attention from the tiny humans to whoever it was that needed assistance.

  “Hi, what can I get for you?” I asked with a smile, looking up at the person who had stepped forward.

  I blinked a few times, slightly taken aback. He was smiling, and it was the kind that if I were ten years older probably would have swept me off my feet.

  I twisted my hands together and blinked myself back to reality. Boys were trouble, they were a distraction. I was young, but even I knew that. Except none had ever looked at me the way that he was now—full of interest and curiosity.

  He chuckled. “Do you need me to say it again?”

  “I’m sorry?” I asked, embarrassed and confused.

  “My order?” He looked amused. “I asked for a red sports drink.”

  “Sorry.” I smiled shyly and went to grab his drink.

  I took his dollar and placed it in the money enveloped, fully expecting him to walk away when he just stood there, staring me down with those curious chocolate brown eyes.

  I cleared my throat. “Is there something you needed?”

  “I’ve never seen you around before.”

  “I’m not usually here. This is my first Saturday actually.” I admitted. “Do you come here a lot?”

  “Sometimes.” He nodded his head. “My friends and I play basketball on Saturday mornings and this park has our favorite court, so.”

  “So, you utilize the snack bar? Makes sense.”

  Conversation wasn’t really my thing. It wasn’t that I was shy, I just wasn’t good at saying things. So, silence filled the space between us and when I was sure he would finally walk away, he just continued to stare at me. I silently hoped that someone else would need my assistance so that he would walk away. He was too attractive for someone like me, and I knew he was older, he had to be, he didn’t look like any of the other boys in my class.

  “What’s your name?” He asked out of nowhere, leaning his hip against the side of the table.

  “Jade.” I told him, swallowing back my unwarranted nerves. “Yours?”

  “Sebastian. But my friends just call me Tian.”

  “Tian?” I tested his name on my tongue. “I like it. It’s different.”

  “Yeah? Well, you can thank my parents for that.”

  I smiled, studying him a bit more. He really was handsome. Muscular with sun-kissed skin and buzzed dark-colored hair. And when he smiled, like he was now, the smallest of dimples appeared on either side of his face.

  I sighed. He was handsome. And older. And far more than I knew I’d ever be able to handle.

  He was more than a boy, and I was only a girl, but standing there in that moment, I felt like an older version of myself I hadn’t met yet.

  “Jade?” He asked amused, interrupting my thoughts.

  I shook my head and laughed, shaking away the slight blush that warmed my cheeks.

  “Sorry, I was stuck in daydream land for a second,” I said apologetically.

  He nodded his head, still amused. His smile widened and his dimples sank further in. “I’ve gotta get back to my friends but I’ll see you around.”

  “Why do you sound so sure of that?” I asked before he could fully turn away.

  He shrugged his shoulders. “You said you’ll be here every Saturday, right? Well, so will I.”

  My stomach flipped.

  He was trouble with dimples and caramel skin, and I was doomed from the start.

  That day was only the beginning. And had I known then what I do now, I would still do it all over again and not change a thing.

  He was my knight in shining something, and in a lot of ways, I was his.

  But that isn’t always a good thing.

  That week flew by and every day I waited, hoping for Saturday to come. I went to school, to cheer practice, and hung out with my best friend, Becca, but time slowed with the anticipation of what I hoped would come.

  When Saturday finally rolled around, I rushed to get ready, my body buzzing at the thought of seeing him again. He was too good to be true, but he was the most exciting thing I had ever encountered in my fourteen years of living.

  He was older and kind and cute, and I wanted to know him.

  “Jade, why are you in such a rush?” My mother asked. “At this rate, you’re going to be early.”

  “I just want to make sure everything is set up correctly, that’s all.”

  It was a half-truth, but a truth nevertheless. Besides, I knew they wouldn’t understand. I was a girl with a crush and my mom, as sweet as she was, would only have questions. And I didn’t have any answers. I had only met him for a few minutes, but that had been eno
ugh. Enough to set my teenage heart on a journey that would change me.

  “Okay, whatever you say,” she said, sounding unconvinced.

  “Let’s just go, I really don’t want to be late.”

  Fifteen minutes later and I was standing in the same spot as before, organizing drinks and glancing up every few seconds toward the basketball courts to see if he had shown.

  There were two groups playing but from where I stood I couldn’t make out if he was part of either of them.

  I sighed, silently beating myself up for getting so hopeful about someone I knew nothing about and had only just met. Silly girl.

  You liked the way he made you feel. That isn’t a crime, it’s just instant connection.

  I went back to my duties and forced myself to look away from the courts the rest of the day.

  Two hours later, a throat cleared from above me.

  Hopeful, I slowly trailed my eyes toward the source of the voice.

  “Jade,” he said in a low tone.

  My heart did that weird skipping thing, where it basically tripped over itself, and I breathed a sigh of relief. He had shown up.

  “Tian, you showed,” I said, trying to veil my excitement at seeing him, but based on his chuckle, I was sure I failed.

  His dimples deepened and he ran a hand over his head. “Yeah, I did.”

  “I was afraid you weren’t,” I told him honestly.

  Again, I cursed myself for being so open. Everyone I had ever met commented on how I wore my heart on my sleeve, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but in situations like these where most girls I knew would have been cool, calm, and collected, I was anything but.