Even If It Breaks Me Read online

  He pushed himself off from the table. “For now. See ya around, stuffed cow.”

  What does that even mean? I thought, scrunching my brows in confusion. He was an idiot.

  He left and his friends followed quickly behind. However, I couldn’t help but notice that the boy with the crystal blue gaze stayed behind. The look of remorse he wore on his face made me think that maybe he wasn’t such a bad guy after all. Maybe.

  “Don’t tell me that troll and his friends were just here,” Maci said, taking the seat across from me while Sarah sat in the one beside me.

  “He’s such an ass, I swear.” Sarah interjected. “When are we going to key his car or something?”

  “Right now? I’m sure he’ll still be in the mall for another couple of hours at least.” Maci glared at his disappearing form.

  “He isn’t worth our time.” I shook my head. “But I love you guys for trying, I really do.”

  “Crap. He made you cry again, didn’t he?” Sarah squeezed me against her side. “I’m so sorry we couldn’t get here sooner.”

  “It’s okay.” I patted her arm. “I got through it, just like I always do.”

  “Well, don’t worry,” Maci said. “In a few short months, we’ll be soaking in summer and then we’ll be off to college and far away from the butt fart jerk.”

  “Butt fart?” I scrunched my face. “Really?”

  “Well, if the name fits.” She shrugged.

  We all laughed and a lightness broke through the tension that Jason had left behind.

  As Maci told us about her latest boy toy and Sarah listened intently, my mind kept drifting to the thoughts floating around in my head.

  And that’s another reason why you shouldn’t stay, my inner voice said on repeat.

  As many times as that one sentence floated around, I knew I needed to change it. I needed to escape it. And so, I made sure that a new phrase took its place. It was the same phrase with one less word and a whole lot of meaning—one stronger than the one before it.

  And there’s another reason why you should stay.

  With that, following quickly behind, came the list of my reasons I needed to stay and fight—a list of reasons that would serve as my survival kit from that day on.

  Chapter 1

  Reason #1 Ice cream

  “Can you believe that we get two glorious weeks off from school?” Sarah squeezed my arm excitedly as her eyes nearly bugged out. “We’ll be adulting before we know it!”

  “Can you believe that we’ll be doing absolutely nothing in that time?” I mimicked her excitement, which caused hers to fade and a tongue to stick out at me.

  We were so mature.

  “Well, shopping and tanning definitely count as something.” She let go of my arm, skipping along the edge of the sidewalk.

  She wasn’t wrong. One of the perks of living in Southern California was that the weather was always warm, even when it wasn’t.

  “You’ve got a point, but I just don’t feel like I’m doing anything,” I said, trying to keep up with her.

  “Well, why not go on a few dates?”

  I froze at her comment.

  I had never been on a date before nor did I ever plan on going on one. Boys were too much drama, and it was easier to avoid that drama while I was still ahead.

  “No, I think I’m good,” I told her.

  “Oh, come on, Daysie.” She glanced back at me, her face all business-like. “You definitely need to get out more.”

  “I’m out right now with you, aren’t I?” I gave her a pointed look, our paces finally matching up since she had stopped skipping. “Besides, I’m happy with the way things are right now.”

  “You mean random one night kisses and unanswered phone calls the next day?”

  “Exactly. Besides, tell me this.” I made sure to look her straight in the eyes. That was the only way she would know that I was serious. “What’s the point in trying if I already know the outcome? Random kisses are so much easier than kisses you know you’ll become addicted to and once you grow dependent, they’ll disappear a few months later. I don’t need that.”

  “Aside from the kisses disappearing, what other outcome is there?” She asked.

  “The outcome where I get half a heart in return for the full heart that I started off with,” I answered.

  “Day...” Her voice softened, using my nickname.

  I shook my head, preventing her from saying any more. Relationships were a sore subject. I was fine on my own. I had been fine on my own for a while, and I would continue to be fine. Besides, I had enough problems at home without adding a boy into the mix.

  “Sarah, I have no room in my life for some boy who probably won’t last the semester, yet alone winter break. Especially since we start college soon. Well, soon-ish.”

  “Well, I think you should make room.” Her hands went to her hips, making her look intimidating. But she wasn’t. Not with her light, delicate features or short profile. Although, it was entertaining to watch her try.

  “Why don’t you let me set you up with one of Corey’s friends?”

  I scrunched my nose. Corey had been Sarah’s boyfriend since sophomore year. They had the most stable relationship out of anyone I had ever known. They were the one-in-a-million couple. The couple that was strong enough to survive anything, the couple that would float through hell and back together without giving up on the other person. They had the type of relationship I had always dreamt of having. But I wasn’t naive enough to think that I could ever have it too, which is why I needed to nip the idea in the bud before it even started.

  “Corey’s friends are nothing like Corey. Besides, half of them don’t know their fingers from their toes,” I said, pointedly.

  She barked out a laugh. “Ya know, that’s actually sort of true.”

  “But if you really want to set me up with someone,” I said, considering the idea for a moment. “Why don’t we ask Maci to hook us up with one of her friends?”

  Maci was the third girl in our threesome friendship. And since meeting in Honors English freshman year, the three of us had become inseparable.

  “Oh, please. There isn’t a guy friend Maci has that she hasn’t already slept with.” She shook her head as we walked into the ice cream shop together. “You would have better luck with the online circuit.”

  At the extra spark in her eyes, I cut her off before she could continue. “Don’t get any ideas.”

  “I make no promises.”

  “What can I get for you ladies today?” An older woman wearing a green apron asked with a smile plastered on her face. I wondered if it was genuine or just well-practiced from having to do her job all day.

  “I’ll have a double chocolate chip cone please.” Sarah was all smiles, and I knew I would never have to wonder if hers were real or not because she was just a happy person. It was almost refreshing. I think that’s why we got along so well.

  The lady turned to me, her eyes crinkling on the sides, and I decided she was genuine after all.

  “I’ll have a vanilla bean, double scoop in a cone. Thanks.”

  As the lady turned to prepare our cones, I turned to Sarah. “Do you really think I need to get out more?”

  “Yes.”

  “Really? No hesitation? Nothing?”

  “Nope. In fact,” her eyes glanced to the side. “I think you should get out more starting now.”

  “Now?”

  “Well, as soon as we get to the register to pay.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “You’ll see?”

  “Seriously, Sarah?”

  “Uh huh.” She grabbed her ice cream, and I did the same. “You’ll see.”

  “Doubtful. But judging by the stupid gleam in your eyes right now, I’m kind of wishing that I had more time to prepare.”

  Once we reached the register and I heard the total, I handed my card to the outstretched hand in front of me. I was too engrossed in my vanilla bean to notice anything else, which
is why I didn’t notice Sarah, or the figure, trying to get my attention.

  “Ahem, Daysie.”

  I turned my head toward hers, taking a giant lick of my ice cream. “What?”

  “Remember what I said about the register?”

  “Not really.”

  “Well, I think you need to remember. Like, now.”

  I gave a dramatic sigh as I moved to stand directly in front of the cash register. My eyes trailed up the outstretched arm, still holding my credit card. As soon as my eyes found the face in front of me, my eyes widened in surprise. It was the same guy, the one with the sea-like blue eyes, that had been hanging around Jason. He was just as handsome as the first time I stared at him like this. His hair was cut shorter, his face a little brighter, and his smile almost blinding, especially with the small hole sinking into his right cheek. He had a dimple. I was a sucker for dimples. In my opinion, there was nothing cuter on a guy.

  “Ahem.” Someone bumped my shoulder from the side. Knowing it was Sarah, I kept my eyes trained on the handsomeness in front of me. It was like looking at a shooting star for the first time. Staring was natural. I couldn’t stop.

  “Daysie, was it?” His voice was deep, so deep I was sure I could get fall to sleep listening to it.

  “Yes.” My voice was hoarse. I cleared my throat. “Sorry, did you need something?”

  He pursed his lips as if fighting a smile. “Yeah. I just needed to give you your card back.”

  “My card?”

  “Yeah. You know, the one you used to pay for the ice cream?”

  It was then I felt something cold and wet slide down my arm.

  Horrified, I grabbed a napkin off the counter and wiped it off. “So sorry.”

  I could hear Sarah’s muffled laughter as I grabbed my card and nearly ran out the door. I would’ve fully ran except I would have lost what was left of my ice cream and I definitely couldn’t have that.

  As soon as I was blasted with the muggy outside air, I knew I was safe. For now, at least. I was usually calm and collected, and okay a little awkward, but for some reason, and I was blaming his good looks, I turned into a gawking school girl in front of him.

  “Day, what the heck was that?” Sarah sputtered through her laughter.

  I shook my head. “I have no idea.”

  “Do you know who that was?”

  “Sure.” I shrugged. “He’s one of Jason’s friends.”

  “Right. But he’s also Brenton Connors.”

  “Is that supposed to mean something to me?” I raised a curious brow.

  “He’s the guy that Maci hooked up with junior year. Don’t you remember?”

  “Not really.” My heart hurt. “Wait, if he’s one of Maci’s ex hookups, why did you want me to see him?”

  “Because, he had noticed you long before he noticed her.”

  “I highly doubt that.”

  “Well, don’t. Because it’s true.”

  “Whatever.” I continued eating my ice cream. “If he’s friends with Jason, I’m sure he isn’t a good guy.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “He isn’t friends with Jason, he’s his cousin.”

  “His what?” I questioned numbly.

  She smirked. “You heard me.”

  “I don’t understand what you’re trying to say. Why can’t I just enjoy my ice cream?”

  “You can.” Her voice lowered an octave. “All I’m saying is that Jason has been your bully for so long that I think it’s time we got that revenge we were talking about before.”

  “Revenge usually ends up bad for everyone involved.”

  “Maybe, but we’ve got until school ends to finally give Jason what he’s had coming for a long time.”

  I would have been lying if I said my interest wasn’t piqued. “And how exactly are we going to do that?”

  “By getting his cousin involved.”

  “I really don’t think that will work.”

  “Why do you say that?” She asked.

  “Because he’s seen him in action and hasn’t done a thing about it, I doubt now would be any different,” I said.

  “Well, even if it isn’t for revenge, I still think you should give that boy a chance.”

  “You’re talking like he wants one.”

  “Judging by the way he was looking at you in there, I don’t think there’s anything Brenton Connors would want more.”

  I wasn’t going to push the subject any further. I just hoped she would forget about it and not bring Maci into it. I mean, I’m sure that wouldn’t be a problem considering her past with him. She wasn’t the type that liked to share. It just wasn’t in her nature, and it wasn’t in mine either. I would never do that to a friend. But if I were being honest, I knew just as well as anybody that whether you wanted something to happen or not, if it was meant to it would happen anyway.

  I had a feeling that Brenton Connors—apparently using his full name was a thing—was meant to happen. I just wish I would have been more prepared for it when he did.