Even If It Breaks Me Read online

  My parents were more in love than ever. They weren’t the type to let time escape them. No, they embraced the world and everything in it, especially each other. It was the type of love I hoped to have someday. One could only hope.

  “Not even when I was first accepted?”

  Her smile stretched even bigger across her face. “Not even then.”

  I gave her a tight hug. That summer we had grown closer than we had ever been and saying goodbye had never hurt so much. We knew this day was coming so we took advantage of the days we had together. I even opted out of a summer job and my parents both worked from home as much as possible so that we could savor family time. It was incredible, and my broken heart healed just enough that I was able to enjoy it.

  We gingerly pulled away when my father approached. “Alright, you’re all moved in.”

  “Thank you for helping. You know you didn’t have to.”

  He looked almost baffled. “Are you kidding me? It’s my parental right to bug your dorm room with wires and video surveillance just in case you have boys in your room at night.”

  I rolled my eyes, not sure whether he was joking or not. I wouldn’t put it past my father to pull something like that. “Why does that not surprise me?”

  “Because you know I’d do it, Jaden Young.”

  My eyes narrowed playfully. “Of course you would.”

  My mom chuckled, shaking her head in mock disapproval. “Alright, we have to go and beat traffic. Promise you’ll stay in touch and call if you need anything.”

  “I will,” I promised. “I don’t know how I’m going to go a day without you both after being practically latched onto you for three whole months.”

  “You know we didn’t mind it one bit.” My dad smiled.

  My mom’s eyes grew misty and tears fell from her eyes. It didn’t take long for my own tears to follow suit. As I turned to look at my dad, he seemed to be fighting back his own.

  “Ugh. We’re just emotional wrecks, aren’t we?” I laughed, breaking a bit of the sadness.

  We probably looked ridiculous standing there, huddled up in a circle, arms embracing one another with tears leaking from our eyes. But as I looked around me, I saw groups of other families in similar moments, parents, siblings, and friends saying goodbye to each other as they prepared to separate.

  “Were your parents like this when they dropped you off at school?”

  “Now that you mention it,” my father looked thoughtful. “They pulled up to the curb, unloaded my crap, and watched me go on my way.”

  Knowing my grandparents, I could totally see that.

  “I’m going to miss you guys.” I meant it, and I wasn’t embarrassed to let them know that. Life was short and my parents were amazing, of course I was going to miss them.

  “I know, sweetie.” She pressed a comforting kiss against my temple. “And you can bet your ass that we’re going to miss you, too.”

  I smiled at her use of profanity. She didn’t curse often, so whenever she did, I couldn’t help but notice.

  As I watched them drive off, my chest tightened. This was the first time I had ever been away from home. I just hoped the horror stories about college weren’t true and that the dorm stories, that were just as horrible, were also untrue.

  I walked the three flights of stairs that it took to get to my floor and silently hoped that my roommate hadn’t arrived yet. I needed a nice, long nap to prepare me for the amount of new people I was sure to meet within this first week. Hell, even this first day, because we had our first floor meeting in a few hours, and I was bound to see some new faces then.

  If Becca made it in time, maybe I wouldn’t have to sit through it alone. Her parents stopped halfway to catch up with some family. They only lived a couple of hours away, but they didn’t see each other much. I was on the last few steps when I glanced at my phone to find a text from her.

  Becca: Be there soon. Can’t wait to meet our roommates!

  I inwardly jumped for joy.

  A group of guys were entering the stairwell just as I was trying to exit. I had forgotten that our floor was co-ed, which meant there would be boys and girls mixed. Fun.

  Switch off the negativity, Jade. It will be fun. Be open, and don’t lock yourself away.

  Just as I walked through the door that lead to the common area, or the area that separated the two halls, my side brushed against the front of someone else’s. I bit on my lip to keep from cringing, a little embarrassed at the fact I hadn’t paid attention to see if all of the boys had left.

  I glanced up to find a set of deep blue eyes staring down at me. My eyes skirted from their hold, landing on a strong, muscular arm that was evidently holding the door open for me. I widened my eyes, even more embarrassed. He stared at me expectantly.

  Cool, Jade. Keep staring at him. Not awkward, nope, not awkward at all.

  “Sorry,” I apologized, quickly walking toward the girl’s hall. I needed to work on my dwindling confidence. Since when did I get that uncomfortable around strangers?

  Ugh, Becca was going to have a field day with this. I could only imagine her response.

  Step 1: Get Jade to be more confident using these tricks.

  I heard his chuckle filter through the small space as the door silently shut behind him. I hadn’t noticed much else about him aside from his midnight-blue eyes and strong arms, but judging by the deep, carefree sound of his laugh, I knew he was someone I needed to stay away from. Because if I didn’t, I was going to fall hard and fast. A bit of a stretch? Maybe. But I wasn’t taking any chances. I didn’t need or want a rebound, and that’s exactly how someone like him, or any guy really, would be. I was going to experience my first year of college single and, well, that was it really. Life was simpler when love was out of the picture.

  I knew these next four years were going to be the best of my life. And if not the best, I knew they would definitely be the most memorable. I just wish I knew how memorable at the time. I also I wish I had known how big a part that stairwell dude would play in those memories.

  Just as I was slipping on a pair of sandals, a girl stood in the entryway to my dorm. She had dark red hair and bright green eyes. I hadn’t spoken to anyone on the floor yet—aside from Becca, of course, who was changing in her own room for the meeting—but that was mainly because I had been busy unpacking and settling in. The girl smiled brightly at me, her eyes shining with excitement.

  “Roomie?” Her tone matched her smile, and I found myself smiling back at her.

  “I guess so,” I said with as much enthusiasm as I could muster, trying to match hers. “I wondered when you were going to pop in. I noticed you had already unpacked. You must have gotten here super early.”

  “Yeah, I’ve been running around trying to get a feel for the campus.” She shrugged.

  “It makes sense, I’ll have to do that later too.”

  “So, you ready for this floor meeting?” Her voice wasn’t as perky as it had been a second before. Huh, maybe she wasn’t too keen on a meeting during our first night in either. They could have at least given us a day or two to settle in before throwing us into a room with our resident advisers and floor mates when we hadn’t gotten acquainted yet. But I suppose that was the purpose of this meeting in the first place.

  “Yeah, I’m about ready actually.”

  “Great, then we can be miserable together.” She stuck her arm out, offering me her hand. “I’m Erin.”

  “Jade.” I smiled, shaking her hand for a moment before pulling away.

  “Are you shy, Jade?”

  “Not usually. Well, not ever, actually. Must be those first day jitters.” I shook my arms out, as if to rid them away. “My best friend is on this floor too, so maybe we can all head down together?”

  “That would be great.” She gave me a smile. “I have a feeling we’re going to be great friends.”

  I smiled, not really knowing what else to say. I closed the door behind me and slid my key card into my back pocket, ke
eping my phone in the other. We walked down the hallway in silence and when we reached Becca’s door, Erin spotted someone she knew and took off. She looked back, looking almost apologetic, but I waved her off. I’d see her down there anyway.

  Becca opened her door and immediately gave me a tight embrace. “I am so glad to see you, you have no idea. My family can talk for days, which is fine because I love them, but I couldn’t wait to reunite with you and get this college experience started.”

  We started our descent down the stairs. “You’re insane. But I get what you’re saying. It felt incomplete us not settling in together.”

  “Well, we’re together now, and Flatts has no idea what it’s in for.” Her voice lowered. “I have tons of plans for us.”

  “Oh, I’m sure you do, and I’d expect nothing less, honestly.”

  We had just reached the bottom flight of stairs when the sound of male voices followed suit behind us. As tempted as I was to turn around and see what types of guys lived on our floor, I kept my focus on the steps ahead of me. Of course, Becca was much braver than I was and glanced behind her, offering whoever it was a flirtatious smile. From the corner of my eye, I could see her perusing the group with approval in her eyes. I shook my head in admiration. I had never been that ballsy. I needed at least a few moments of observation before jumping into the flirting game.

  “You should definitely take a peek.” Becca smirked, her head bobbing up and down. She clearly liked what she had seen. “I promise they won’t bite.”

  She tried to whisper that last part, but she hadn’t been quiet enough because one of the guys interrupted and said, “Yeah, we promise not to bite, sweetheart.”

  My face scrunched up at the pet name. Sweetheart, really? Pet names had never been my thing and that one especially was my least favorite. It made me cringe.

  “Hard.” Another guy interjected, snickering.

  I shook my head and Becca laughed, clearly finding it funny. “Welcome to college, Jade, where boys aren’t as mature as you thought they’d be. It’ll be another five years before that happens.”

  “Hey, I’m wounded.” He didn’t actually sound hurt at all. More amused than anything.

  “You shouldn’t be. It’s been scientifically proven.” She threw over her shoulder.

  We entered the common area on the first floor and headed to the game room where the meeting was being held. As we took our seats, a safe distance from the front of the room, the boys took their own behind us.

  One leaned forward. “You ladies got any plans tonight?”

  “Just unpacking,” I said, though I had finished hours ago.

  “What did you have planned?” Erin asked, throwing me a look.

  We spoke in unison and it forced me to let out a light laugh.

  “That’s a nice sound.” A deep, slightly raspy voice said from directly behind me. I turned in my seat, fighting a smile as my eyes connected with the pair that I had seen earlier in the day. So blue, the ocean would be jealous.

  I ignored the blush creeping onto my cheeks at the complement and pushed those thoughts away. He was just being nice. “I’m Jade.”

  “Dylan.”

  We didn’t shake hands or say anything, just continued to stare at each other. It should have been awkward, but it wasn’t. And the butterflies forming in my stomach? Yeah, they needed to go.

  Thankfully, one of his buddies spoke, forcing them to disappear. “Man, please convince these two very lovely ladies to come out with us tonight.”

  His friend, who was far too forward for my tastes, draped his arm across Dylan’s shoulders.

  He easily shrugged him off and shook his head in amusement, turning his attention back on me. “You should think about it. We’re just going to a local pizza shop around the corner to grab a bite to eat.”

  “I don’t know.” I lowered my voice. “I’ve heard that pizza can be very dangerous.”

  What? Dangerous? Who are you, Jade?

  Somewhere, a broken record played. I crinkled my nose, embarrassed.

  Becca barked out a laugh, shaking her head at me.

  I silently begged her to save me but it only made her laugh harder.

  Dylan’s shirt pulled across his chest as he stretched his arms above his head, laughing along with Becca and everyone else at my comment. I had to stop myself from staring too long. “I promise to protect you if the pizza gets too out of hand.”

  I was even more embarrassed now. Ugh.

  “You might need to. I have a history of very dangerous pizza encounters.” Can you stop now? That’d be great. I fought back the urge to close my eyes at how uncool I was being. I needed to work on my conversational skills. This wasn’t my first rodeo, but it sure as heck felt like it was.

  Luckily, he didn’t seem to mind. He laughed again, the sound causing my stomach to flip and the butterflies to reappear. This wasn’t good. He was easy to joke with. I’d have to remind myself not to get too attached since I was the type of girl who was incapable of falling in love. I couldn’t, I refused to let myself go through that. At least for a while anyway. The pain left behind by Tian was still too raw, it was a miracle I was able to get up and live most mornings.

  This easygoing, flirty dude wasn’t something I was used to. It’d be easy to fall for someone like him, but I wouldn’t make that mistake. Especially not during my first year of college and not when my heart still had some—a lot—of healing to do.

  From the corner of my eye, I spotted Becca giving me a look of approval. This wasn’t good. If he had her approval, I was doomed. Knowing her, she was going to do everything in her power to make sure I had the best first-year-of-college experience ever, especially if that included a boy, and she had found the perfect one.

  I groaned, shaking my head at her.

  This year just got a whole lot more interesting.

  “I’m really glad you decided to come out with us.” Dylan’s eyes were more smoldering than I remembered.

  Gosh, he really was gorgeous. I didn’t stand a chance. If he showed any interest, I knew I’d be a goner.

  Sure, the pain was still fresh from my last boyfriend, but maybe a rebound wouldn’t be so bad.

  Yeah, I know, I said I didn’t want one, but shortly after the meeting, Becca sat me down and gave me a mini lecture on how this could be good for me.

  In her words, “Rebounds are good for the soul, it’s like a cleansing or something. Besides, haven’t you heard? The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Maybe not literally under them, but still, fun is what you need, and I’m going to make sure you get it.”

  And that was that. I didn’t think I’d give in so easily though, but here I was, giving him my heart and basically handing myself over on a golden platter.

  “So long as no pizzas attack me, I think I’ll stay.” I lowered my voice, again cringing at how awkward I was. Too late to go back now. I leaned in like I was going to share a big secret. “Besides, the company isn’t all that bad.”

  There. That last part was cool-ish. Right?

  Right. I mentally high fived myself.

  “You’re dang right, it isn’t.” A loud voice boomed. I jumped back like I had been caught in the middle of something bad and narrowed my eyes at the culprit. It was the same guy from before. The one who seemed to do most of the talking for the group of guys. Maybe he was their leader or something? Who knew.

  Oddly though, he reminded me of Becca with his confidence and blunt attitude.

  “Jake here was just telling me how he and Dylan played football together in high school,” Becca provided, hanging onto Jake’s arm, who’s name I was glad to finally have learned.

  “Do you still play now?” My question had been directed at Dylan, but before he could speak, Jake opened his mouth.

  “Nah, I’m man enough to admit that my skills aren’t that great but Dylan’s were. He just wanted to focus on his studies in college. Said playing a sport would’ve been too much of a distraction.” Jake took
a bite of the slice of pizza hanging from his hand. “I explained how girls are an even bigger distraction, but I guess if you have to choose between one or the other, I would’ve gone with girls, too.”

  Dylan laughed, shaking his head. He flicked his middle finger toward his friend. “Screw you, man. You’re so full of crap, I’m surprised your skin isn’t more brown.”

  “So, you do still play?” I asked Dylan.

  He shook his head. “No. I messed up my shoulder pretty bad last season and the doctor said it’d be a dangerous move. So, I decided to just focus on school and getting my education.”

  “That doesn’t sound so bad.”

  “It isn’t but some people were disappointed when they learned of this decision.” He nodded toward Jake. “Mainly my buddy here. He was hoping to mooch off of my popularity, the one I supposedly would’ve had by playing a college sport.”

  “Well, I’m sure your popularity is safe. Have you seen the way these girls have been ogling over you?”

  “No. I’ve been too busy seeing you.”

  “A little cheesy, but I’ll play along.” I gave a light laugh. “What do you mean?”

  “They say you can look at someone but not really see them.” Dylan leaned his forearms on the table in front of us. “But when I look at you, I do see. I don’t know, I can just tell we’re going to be really good friends.”

  I felt a blush color my cheeks. “I could use more friends, so I’d really like that. But, isn’t it a little too early for sweet talk?”

  “It’s never too early for sweet talk,” he said in a confident tone before laughing. “In all seriousness though, I heard Becca talking about an ex-boyfriend of yours, so I’m not asking for anything more than you’re ready to give.”

  I narrowed my eyes at Becca, mentally burning her favorite clothes. Of course she had shared that info. She meant well, but sometimes she didn’t go about it the best way. “We just met, so let’s take this friendship one day at a time, shall we?”

  We stared at each other in a silence that almost felt challenging. But it also felt comfortable. I knew that if things were different and I had an unbroken piece of my heart to give, that I would have given it to him, no questions asked. Those eyes, so dark and full of life, I’d be crazy not to.